and its only Wednesday! Yeah me.
Tonights run was without babies so it was really nice. A little depressing because it was dark much earlier than I expected and I don't really like running in the dark. Small sounds scare the heck out of me and I run with no earphones/music. I think that is why I do it I need to know what is going on around me.
Without the kids you get to think a little better. I think about the blizzard I had on Monday, the double chocolate cookies I've been eating...why, why, why!?!? Sometimes I disappoint myself. I know that when I eat this stuff I feel like crap in a run, in a class. I think about how easy it should be to not eat this stuff and lose oodles of weight.
I will start right now for a sweetless night and keep it going. I love the feeling of running and getting thinner. I have a distorted view of myself, I think I'm smaller than I am. When I see pictures of myself I think, god am I really that fat? Gross.
I need to eat for energy and fuel not for comfort and boredom. I think the eating out of boredom is the biggest problem for me and so easy to do. Its the never ending battle of food, when will I ever win?
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